New Chapter: Announcement

How time has flown- Liam will be starting half-day Kindergarten this fall. It’s hard to believe our “Little Guy” is going to be old enough for Kindergarten! It seems like just yesterday we were rocking him to sleep and changing his diapers, now he’s an independent five year old that is extremely excited about going to school. As he became more and more excited about starting school, I got excited about returning to my education.


In January, I started back to college to pursue my dream of becoming a nurse. In the past six and a half months I’ve crammed more information into my brain than I ever thought possible and look forward to continuing the trend for the next few years. I found that I really enjoyed being in the classroom again! And with my new found internal motivation, it was easier than I anticipated stepping back into the role of student and a “want” of knowledge burst forth that I didn’t realize I had.

Along the way I’ve had a plethora of "events": 2 full semesters- 1 regular spring, 1 accelerated summer; 1 broken nose courtesy of a snuggly 9 month old which brought about a 10 day unplanned vacation as I underwent surgery & recovery; a double birthday party to plan & throw for the kids; saying “good –bye” to a chunk of money to have air conditioning installed (which we did just in time for several weeks of 100 degree weather) in addition to filling the roles of employee, student, mother and wife. It hasn’t always been easy, but we’ve survived- we always do.

As time marched ever so speedily toward July we quickly realized that our lives were becoming out of balance, and fast! In addition to me now being in college along with working full time, Liam would be starting school AND Brian wants to take some classes through the community college to earn a web-design certificate which will nicely round out his Bachelors in software engineering. How would we continue to give the kids the individualized time and attention they need and deserve? How would we make sure everyone was where they needed to be at the appropriate time? Could we afford the extra expenses involved with our long commute coupled with driving multiple cars daily? I know these sound like fairly stupid questions, but when you consider that we put over 100 miles on our car in a single day between dropping off & picking up the kids from the sitters on top of getting ourselves to the office & back- we spend between 1.5 hrs and 3.5 hrs in the car each day! (Variations depend on whether Brian works on the weekend [which means he has a day off during the week so the kids stay home with him so I can drive directly to & from w/o having to go into town- Forshee-lead-foot can get me 45 minutes each way] & who’s driving each day [again, Forshee-lead-foot says it all, while other people who shall not be named specifically, have a bit more…” reserved” driving habits than I do- which added to driving into town & back out again to drop the kids off equals about 1-1.5 hrs each way].) Now you talk doubling these times (driving 2 separate cars), tripling gasoline expenses (the van uses 2x the gas as the car), and spending more & more time running around rather than with each other- this was fast becoming a problem.

We deliberated, discussed, agonized over and stressed about what we would do. Do I give up my dream and a future that would be far more beneficial for us as a family in favor of a short-term solution? Does Brian? Do we strain our family bonds in order to try to feel more “financially comfortable” as we complete our fields of study? We spent months exploring options, crunching numbers and praying for guidance. And after many months of worry, stress and self-doubt, we’ve made a decision…

Today I issued my 2 week notice of resignation to SBT.

Yes, our income will be cut almost in half. Yes, we’ll have to cut back on luxuries that we’ve taken for granted until now. Yes, paying back student loans will suck. Yes, it will be hard and, at times, stressful and will take a lot of careful planning and coordinating, communication and understanding to make sure we’re on top of things. But the long-term payoffs far outweigh these short-term setbacks. I’ll be able to continue to pursue my dream of becoming a nurse. I’ll be able to get Liam to & from school without inconveniencing other people to get it done. I’ll have more time to study and more time with Morgan. Brian will be able to continue working AND take a couple of night classes to work toward his goal certificate. And while there may be some minor setbacks along the way, as a family we will be far better off in the long run once both Brian & myself have completed schooling and are in our chosen careers.

We want to thank all of our family and friends who have been so supportive through this whole process. You’ve given us “food for thought”, encouragement, support and prayers- and we are grateful!

College lesson learned...

I'm pleased to announce- I survived my first semester back to college after being out of that environment for about 10 years.  Not only did I meet my goal of earning a "B" in all of my class- I exceeded that by earning straight "As" and a 4.0 GPA over 14 semester credit hours!  This was achieved all while working full time & tending to the hubby & 2 kids at home.  Talk about coming back full force!

Over the past 4 months, I've learned a lot of things about college the second time around that you never really "get" fresh out of high school.  It has also been interesting discussing my points of view with a friend of mine who happens to be a professor at the same college I'm going to (no, I did not & will not have him for a class- he teaches English classes outside of what I need as graduating requirements, which we are both thankful for) and he shared some interesting views from a teacher's standpoint.  I'd like to share some of these lessons with you.  

For those of you who, like me, have already gone down this road: you'll get a kick out of this & it make take you back to a time where you think "I hope I didn't act like that!".

For those of you getting ready to graduate H.S. in the next few years & head off to college: 

PAY ATTENTION!  

For anyone fresh out of H.S. and already in your first year of college: 

TAKE A HINT!

#1:  College can be fun!    Yes, it takes a lot of work to succeed, but just keep in mind that everything you work on in each class puts you one step closer to your ultimate goal- a degree in a career field you want.

#2:  If you are struggling or having problems, ask the teacher for help.  You are adults and it is YOUR responsibility to ask for help if you need it.  Your success all up to you & is good practice for the real world- get use to it.  (This one is for all those who whined like babies because a class or teacher wasn't as easy or lenient/buddy-buddy they felt every single class/teacher should be.  You are an adult, not everyone is your friend: deal with it.)  You get what you put into it; which brings me to...

#3:  For every credit hour you register for, plan to spend 2 outside of the classroom on that course work.  For example- I took 14 semester hours this term, so I had to expect the teachers to dish out 28+hrs of outside work each week. 80% of teachers/professors will give you "homework" as if their class is the only one you're taking (this is where the + comes into play).   I can not tell you how many reviews or complaints I heard about how "we had so much work outside of the lecture period", whah, whah, whah!  (Again, for those who didn't want to have to do anything but show up for class- you are lazy, try actually putting some effort in for a change.)

#4:  Yes, you will find a new social group at college.  No, you are not the center of everyone's world.  Unless a bunch of your friends all have the same class schedule as you, no one will care that you were popular in H.S. , that you were prom queen or the star quarterback, or that you think you are sexy as hell.  Except for the people of your social group & likely a few people of the opposite sex, people are there to learn and for themselves, not to worship you.  So those delusions of grandeur you may have about how "cool" everyone will think you are in college: get over yourself.  Everyone is there for their own reasons, not for you. (This goes with my next point.)

#5:  The following things are distracting not only to your fellow students, but can be to the teacher as well & should never be worn to class: 

*body glitter (especially if you sit next to a window & it's sunny)

*super low cleavage showing tops/dresses 

*super short skirts/dresses  

*any top/pant set showing your mid-rift  

*high-heels & toe-less shoes (namely to a laboratory class; seriously, some girls thought this was a good idea- can we say "dumb"?)  

*pants/skirts that are so tight or short that you show muffin-top or crack (lets face it, both of those are nasty & no one in their right mind would think it's sexy)

*anything you would consider wearing to a club

#6: To go with #5- if you are dressing to impress someone in class, you're going to that class for the wrong reason & you need to re-prioritize & re-focus.

#7:  Let's face it, not all teachers/professors & classes are the same & you will not be able to study/prepare in the exact same way for each & every one.  Pay attention to the teacher/professor's instruction & 1st tests- this gives you a good idea of what you need to do to succeed in that class.

Work hard & use your common sense & you will succeed-  Good luck!

WDIDTS: ADS Part... ?

Ok- I don't even know where I'm at anymore with the parts of this diaper story, but I'm okay with that. Recently I had to complete a persuasive/argument paper for my English 101 class. My topic of choice? If you really had to ask that, you don't know me very well.

I've had a lot of people asking about cloth diapering as of late & since this paper had a lot more research and information contained all in one place than trying to compile all of my previous blogs, I've decided to post it here for all you interested Mamas and Papas... It's a little long (it was a research paper after all) but well worth the read... Forgive me if there are any formatting errors that occur during "translation". Enjoy!

Cloth v. Disposable: The War of the Diapers

Throughout the years, humans have invented a variety of items intended to make life a little more convenient, simple and timesaving. Unfortunately, not all fulfilled that function and a few have been a little more than dangerous or detrimental. Of all inventions in the twentieth century, single-use diapers, better known as “disposables”, are singularly the most prevalent yet unidentified of these flawed inventions. While proponents for disposables use terms like “convenient” and “absorbent” to market their products, many statistics and opinions used by these companies against cloth diapering advocates are either spun or misrepresented. In this article, we will explore why these actions and views are misleading and invalid based on four main arguments: cost, environment, rashes/dryness and health.

Cost

Proponents for disposable diapers argue that the initial investment in purchasing cloth diapers is equal to the cost of using disposable diapers.

(Note: With the many varying aspects and variables to take into consideration, we will be narrowing the field of information to compare disposable diapers and the KaWaii Baby brand cloth diapers. Costs for disposable wipes, “Diaper Genie” products, garbage/refuse and additional potty training products such as “Pull-ups” will not be included in the below comparison. However, please note that these costs are in addition to the price per change calculated below and costs for “Diaper Genie” and “Pull-ups” products and the added garbage/refuse do increase the price per change of disposable diapering.)

The price per diaper change (ppc) of disposable diapers can be found by using the formula: ppc = package price / number of diapers. However, for the purpose of this article, we will be using an approximated average of $0.37 ppc. (Brand averages: “Seventh Gen $.40 ea, Goodnights $.80 ea, Huggies $.34 ea, Pampers $.34 ea, Wal-Mart brand $.21 ea. Costs vary due to size and brand. Larger babies may use fewer diapers/day, but each diaper costs more, about $.50 a piece.) (Softbums, 2011) KaWaii Baby pocket-style diapers range between $6.99 (basic) - $11.20 (bamboo) per diaper. This amount includes one diaper shell and two microfiber inserts which are “stuffed” into the pocket and act as the absorbent layer. KaWaii Baby diapers also have a snap-adjustment system for size adjustment allowing these diapers to fit babies from approximately eight pounds to approximately thirty-six pounds, which should fit a child from birth through potty training. (KaWaii Baby Diapers)

Utilizing the following numbers, we can calculate the cost of using disposable diapers compared to cloth: (Softbums, 2011)

*A newborn though 3 months old will go through an average of 12-24 changes per day.

*Age 3-9 month olds and 9 month to 1 year olds have an average of 10 changes per day.

* Age 12-18, 18-24 and 24-36 months have an average of 8 changes per day.

Using the approximated average listed above, the price per age range comes out to be:

Age	# of changes / day	# disposable diapers needed per age range	Disposable by age cost (# diapers x $0.37)	Cost of KaWaii Baby (bamboo) ($11.20 x 24)
Newborn–3 mo	12-24	1080	$399.60	$268.80
3-9 mo	10	1800	$666.00	No additional purchase needed
9 mo-1 year	10	900	$333.00	No additional purchase needed
12-18 mo	8	1440	$532.80	No additional purchase needed
18-24 mo	8	1440	$532.80	No additional purchase needed
24-36 mo	6-8	2520	$932.40	No additional purchase needed

Based on these calculations, the total price for using disposable diapers from birth through potty training is approximately $3,396.60.

Cloth diapers are reusable. After the initial investment in cloth, no additional purchase is needed. This is because as a baby ages, they generally need fewer diaper changes and the original 24 diapers can be used in a rotation to cover multiple days worth of diaper changes before washing is required to restock the supply. The total investment and cost of cloth diapering with KaWaii Baby Bamboo is only $268.80. This is a material cost savings of $3,127.80 over disposable diapers.

Water consumption, detergent impact and energy use also factor into this debate and considered in the next section.

Environment

Advocates of disposable diapers argue that they are better for the environment because of the increased energy and water consumption required to launder cloth diapers. In this section, we will compare the environmental impact of disposable diapers against cloth.

“18 billion disposable diapers are used in the U.S. each year. Enough to stretch to the moon and back 9 times.” (Flug)

Disposable diapers are composed of multiple layers: a waterproof polyethylene outer layer, a water repellent liner and an internal layer comprised of wood pulp, sodium polyacrylate and trace chemicals. The waterproof outer and water repellent inner liner layers are made of polyethylene. The raw material used to create this substance is oil, which is non-renewable. In order to make enough plastic for one disposable diaper, one cup of crude oil is processed. “It takes 286 lbs. of plastic (including diaper packaging) per year to supply 1 baby in disposable diapers. It takes 200-400 kg. of fluff pulp to supply 1 baby in disposables for 1 year.” (Sanders, 2002) The wood pulp in disposable diapers is bleached with chlorine gas which produces toxins like furan and dioxin, which is discussed in more detail later. While these toxins are by-products, they travel through the processing plants emissions and end up in the diapers that are manufactured from the pulp. (Sanders, 2002) “According to the CDC (Cotton Diaper Coalition), it takes massive amounts of water ‘…to process wood pulp into paper for throwaways. Little recycled paper is used in the production of most throwaways. The production of a disposable diaper comes at a high environmental price both in water and energy.’” (Sanders, 2002)

Using the 1991 Procter & Gamble studies, the Women’s Environmental Network in London commissioned The Landbank Consultancy to review and reprocess the findings and claims of Procter & Gamble. The Landbank Consultancy determined that Procter & Gamble had “falsely claimed the environmental impact of disposables was not materially worse than cloth diaper usage. They concluded that disposable diapers create 2.3 times as much water waste, use 3.5 times as much energy, use 8.3 times the non-regenerable raw materials, use 90 times the renewable raw materials and 4 to 30 times as much land for growing raw materials. Simply put, since disposables consume 70% more energy than the average reusable diaper per diaper change, is it really WISE to use 3.4 billion gallons of oil and over 250,000 trees annually to manufacture them when they already end up in our overburdened landfills? Disposable diapers are the 3^rd largest single consumer item in landfills, and represent 30% of non-biodegradable waste.” (Sanders, 2002)

“The American Academy of Pediatrics and The American Public Health Association advise parents that fecal matter and urine should not be allowed to be disposed of together in the regular trash, because it contaminates the ground water and spreads disease. ’Disposable diaper packages contain a request printed on the outside of the package that the inner diapers be rinsed and the fecal material flushed down the toilet before the diapers are put out for curbside collection.’” (Sanders, 2002) The difference is, when fecal matter is flushed, it is processed, along with the urine that is washed out in the wash cycle, through a water treatment plant. When fecal matter is bound with the urine in a plastic wrapper, it goes to the landfill where bacteria are left to flourish and infect any animal or insect that comes in contact with it, which may bring those infectants back to us either by direct contact or through ground water contamination.

Cloth diapers use renewable materials and fabrics, like cotton. “If you go the cloth diaper route, you’ll use less than 10 kg of cotton for 2 (not just 1) years worth of diapering.” (Sanders, 2002) The cost per diaper wash cycle to operate an electric water heater is approximately $0.34/load and using a gas water heater is approximately $0.10/load. Figured at three loads a week for thirty-six months, you will spend $43.20 in energy costs to use cloth diapers. Yes, the water consumption of the household may increase, but the amount is dependent on whether a regular or high-efficiency washer is being used. In either case, the water is sent to the local water treatment plant, which makes the levels of ground water contamination practially non-existent.

Cloth diapers also require the use of detergent that is perfume- and dye-free, which many households with children use for their regular washes already. The recommended amount of detergent in a cloth cycle is ¼-½ the regular clothing “dose”, which equates to 1 additional dose of detergent for every 2-4 cloth washes. This amount is less than significant when considering the large volume of detergent used weekly for regular clothing wash cycles.

Cloth diapers are reusable and the materials used in the manufacturing of them are recycleable or renewable.

Rashes/Dryness

There is no denying that disposable diapers keep babies dry. However, too much of a good thing can be very bad.

“Disposables will hold about 7 pounds of fluid.” (McDiarmid) “Widespread diaper rash is a fairly new phenomenon that surfaced along with disposable diapers. Reasons for more rashes include allergies to chemicals, lack of air, higher temperatures because plastic retains body heat, and babies are probably changed less often because they feel dry when wet.” (Caldwell) “The Super-Absorbent qualities of disposable diapers offer a sort of Catch 22. Yes, it wicks [verb: “to draw off (liquid) by capillary action.” (Dictionary.com)] away moisture from your baby’s skin, but they also do two other things: 1) Facilitates less diaper changing from parents- which leads to rashes because of babies’ exposure to the super-absorbent chemicals, bacterial growth, and the ammonia from accumulated urine in the diaper. 2) ‘Pulls’ natural moisture (not just urine) from the baby’s skin- this too will encourage irritation.” (Sanders, 2002)

Plastic does not allow for proper air flow. In some studies, this has been shown to correlate with male infertility. “Diapers lined with plastic raise the temperature of the scrotum far above body temperature and can lead to a total breakdown of normal cooling mechanisms, according to the study published in the Archives of Disease in Childhood.” (Sanders, 2002)

Cloth diapers are made of cotton and nylon, both of which are breathable materials and nylon provides waterproofing from leaks. An added benefit to this is that babies can feel when they are wet in cloth much more than in disposables. Studies have shown a correlation between faster potty training and cloth diaper use because babies do not like to feel wet. Does a newborn sit idlely and do nothing when they feel their diaper is wet & they’re uncomfortable? No- they cry.

Health

Perhaps the most important, yet least known, argument regarding cloth versus disposable are the potential and numerous health risks associated with disposable diapers. It is rare that you hear the disposable diaper manufacturers speaking about the health benefits of using their products. You do, however, constantly hear about how convenient their products are and how much more worry free you will be by using their products.

There are three main chemicals that are found in disposable diapers: sodium polyacrylate, dioxin, and tributyl tin. Sodium polyacrylate is a powder that is used to make disposable diapers super-absorbent. When moisture is introduced, the powder becomes a gel. If too much moisture is absorbed, the gel can force tears in the interior lining of the diaper and come in direct contact with the babies skin, namely their behind and privates. This substance has killed rats when injected in lab test, has caused severe allergic reactions and skin irritations along with fever, vomiting and staph infections in babies and was banned from use in tampons in 1985 due to the strong correlation with Toxic Shock Syndrome. (Sanders, 2002)

Dioxin is a by-product of the bleaching of the wood pulp that is used along with the sodium polyacrylate. This substance is carcinogenic and is noted by the EPA as “’the MOST TOXIC’ of all cancer-linked chemicals. In small quantities it causes birth defects, skin/liver disease, immune system suppression & genetic damage in lab animals. Banned in most countries, but not the United States.” (Sanders, 2002)

Tributyl tin is an environmental pollutant that is considered highly toxic. Causing damage to the immune system and impairing the hormonal system, it is absorbed through the skin and, in even the smallest concentrations, has a hormone-like effect that could cause sterility in males. (Sanders, 2002)

“The Archives of Environmental Health tested 6 leading cloth diapers and 6 leading disposable diapers and discovered that the emmissions from one disposable diaper were high enough to produce asthma-like symptoms in mice.” ("Kelly", 2009)

Is it really more convenient when a child’s health is at risk? While cloth diapering may be a bit more time consuming, more and more parents would much rather put that time and energy into knowing exactly what products, materials and chemicals, or lack there of, are being put against their child’s skin rather than spending that time at the doctor’s office because of a serious illness. Chemicals have been removed from female hygene products because of the health risks, yet these chemicals are left in disposable diapers that touch not only female, but male private parts. Parents would never dream of putting themselves at risk by exposing themselves to these chemicals, yet babies are forced to have these chemicals against their skin without serious consideration given to their overall health and well-being. Cloth diapers contain none, absolutely zero, of these chemicals. The interior linings that touch the baby’s skin are all natural. Material and fabric are used to absorb moisture instead of chemicals shown to cause irritating and, some times, life-threatening reactions.

While proponents for disposable diapering shout “convenient” and “absorbent”, the long term impact, not only on the environment, but on our children themselves must be in the forefront of our minds. When determining which is better, cloth or disposables, one must take into account the various health risks, both external and internal, to which the child will be exposed. It is for these reasons that more and more parents are turning back to cloth diapers.

Bibliography

(n.d.). Retrieved from Dictionary.com: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/wicks?s=t

"Kelly". (2009, April). 10 Benefits To Using Cloth Diapers. Retrieved from The Cloth Diaper Whisperer: http://www.theclothdiaperwhisperer.com/2009/04/10-benefits-to-using-cloth-diapers.html

Caldwell, G. (n.d.). Diapers. Disposable or Cotton? Retrieved from Eco-Baby Catalogue: http://www.ecobaby.com

Flug, R. (n.d.). Top Ten Environmental Reasons For Choosing Cotton Diapers. Retrieved from Diaperraps: www.ebabydiaper.com

KaWaii Baby Diapers. (n.d.). Retrieved from The Luv Your Baby: http://www.theluvyourbaby.com

McDiarmid, C. (n.d.). The Facts: Cloth vs. Disposable Diapers. Retrieved from Born to Love: http://www.borntolove.com/facts.html

Sanders, H. L. (2002). The Diaper Drama. Retrieved from Diaper Pin: http://www.diaperpin.com/clothdiapers/article_diaperdrama.asp

Softbums. (2011). Softbums Reusable Diaper Information Booklet. Retrieved from Softbums: www.softbums.com

For Morgan on your 1st birthday...

In all honesty, I was so happy to have made it to my due date. While the Dr. and I had discussed attempting a VBAC throughout my pregnancy with you, we agreed that if I went into labor at any time before my due date, we would give the VBAC a try; if I made my due date, I would have a scheduled C-section. Your brother had been an emergency C-section, so I knew what to expect with that. But the main reason I wanted to make that date was that Grandma and Grandpa Morris and Grandma Rache were all planning to be there. Even though Daddy’s family had been able to visit us after your brother was born, I still felt a bit lonely. Let’s face it- I wanted my Mom to be there with me. That was something I missed the first time around & I didn’t want to lose that opportunity again, even if it meant that I’d have to have another major surgery and would never be able to go back to having the opportunity to try a VBAC with any future children we might have- it was imperative to me that my Mom be there this time.

As the date grew near, we worked hard to include Liam in the preparations. As you and my belly grew, Liam became more and more interested in this mysterious being that made Mommy’s tummy move. By then he was excited to tell everyone about his baby sister Morgan that was in Mommy’s tummy. He kept asking each day when you would get to come out and play with him so he could give you kisses.

April 15th came and as nervous as I was that morning, I was starving! I had told myself that I’d be so nervous that morning I wouldn’t even want to eat- clearly I was wrong. As everyone finished breakfast with me watching hungrily on, it hit me. Not to say it was the strongest contraction in the world, but it was definitively stronger than any of the “pre-labor” induced contractions I’d had with your brother or the Braxton-Hicks contractions I’d been feeling with you for the past two months. It took my breath away. I thought to myself “Watch, I’ve made it this far & now that everyone’s going to be here & I’ve been anticipating getting to meet my baby girl by 11 am, I’m going to go into full blown labor standing right here in my kitchen & her arrival will be postponed until I deliver her by VBAC. Wonderful.” That was the one and only contraction of that magnitude I had that day.

We arrived at the hospital early & went through admission without a hitch. Turns out, there was 1 room reserved for you and I, the rest were full- seems like all the babies in the Fox Valley area decided to make their appearances that day. The Grandmas had taken Liam to the bathroom when they came to take me to the O.R. I felt guilty that I hadn’t given Liam a kiss & told him I loved him before I was taken out, but I kept telling myself that I’d see him again soon & that in a matter of moments I would get to meet our little girl. As the nurses and anesthesiologist prepared me for surgery there were a million and one things going through my mind. I was so worried that I’d missed something or that something would be wrong. But my biggest fear was wondering how I could ever give you the amount of love I’d been able to splurge solely on your brother up to that point.

They had just started the procedure when your Daddy was brought in. (I’ll let him tell you about what a wonderful experience it was to be brought in at that particular moment. Yes, there’s sarcasm there. You’ll understand this later in life.) Your Daddy was so funny that day. As he sat by my head, he was so excited I could hear his trembling in every breath he took. I told him with a giggle that he needed to calm down because I didn’t need him passing out on me. It seemed like no time at all before the Dr. told him to stand up so he could watch you come into this world. He kept telling me how beautiful you were and in short order your cord was cut and the nurse held you for a moment between the surgical table and your bassinet so I could see you (something I hadn’t been privy to when your brother was born). You weren’t cleaned up yet and your color had not fully come in, but your Daddy was right- you were beautiful! In that moment, all of the fears and worries I’d had melted away.

Daddy followed you and the nurse back to our pre-op room while the Dr. finished with me. By the time I joined you, Daddy had brought the newly promoted “big brother” in to meet you. Liam thought you were pretty cool. When one of the Grandma's joked about taking you home, Liam told them in a very stern and defensive tone, "NO! She's MY sister!"

And yes, the Grandparents were thrilled to get to hold you when you were “brand new”, less than 2 hours old.

I’ve spent most of today looking back on that day and reflecting on the year since and all the amazing milestones you’ve met so far.

In the past year you’ve managed to hit every milestone early. You held your head up early. You sat assisted at around 2.5 months old and sat alone at 4.5 months old. At around 2 months old we switched you to cloth diapers, oh the money we've saved!

You started crawling and before we knew it cruising along the furniture in January, which was about the same time you broke my nose, but that's a story for another time. It was mid-February when you took your first solo steps. We were all so excited. You would take a few steps, then stop to clap "yea" for yourself!

You've eaten and demanded more of all new foods you've tasted. You do have your favorites though. I don't think I've ever seen a baby pack it away like you do, but you always "run it off" following your big brother everywhere.

It's been amazing to watch all of the growing you've done this year. You've started to say a few select things. "Dada" and "yea" being the most pronounced, but Daddy swears he's heard you reply "I don't know" when he asks you where Mama is & today you illustrated your newest noise ensemble... you pretend burped then said "excuse me". Well, at least we know you have manners.

Today we celebrated your birthday. First, you had pancakes for breakfast.

Then you opened your presents.

You had chicken nuggets for lunch, then got some one-on-one play time with Daddy & Liam while I went to class. When I got home you "helped" me frost your cake then had macaroni & cheese for supper. We snuggled for a little bit, then sang happy birthday & you got your strawberry cake.

You had a great day.

You have truly been a blessing from God & we can't imagine life without you.
Your brother loves you so much, he could almost rival Daddy & I!
Happy birthday baby girl! We love you!

Time to move forward- “on and up”!

Alright- I want to start with an apology- this is a long-winded rant, but also long overdue... and for any spelling, punctuation and/or grammatical errors, I kind of threw this together today... sorry.



One of my cousins posted this on his Facebook page & it spoke volumes to what I’ve been feeling the past few years. You know that feeling when you’re convinced someone’s actions are based solely on the feeling of obligation rather than sincerity- that’s what I’ve been dealing with. I’ve listened to a number of people constantly complain about other people & then in the next breath they are doing the exact same things they were just condemning other people for doing. Such comments have included (but are not limited to) “friends don’t turn their back on you… I would have never turned from “so-and-so”, but she got mad at me & turned from me, so I’m done with her.”- yet these are the same people who have done this same thing to me over & over and like an idiot I kept going back for more thinking they were just going through a phase. But lately I’ve come to realize that the whole thing was a phase & when I was no longer their favorite “flavor of the month”, a new cycle of rudeness, ignoring, back-stabbing & mean & cruel behavior would start all over again leaving me feeling no larger than the paramecia we found in our microscopic study of pond water in biology lab Tuesday night.
(Marisol, one of my lab partners, "lovingly" names this critter "Bob"- so here is "Bob" our paramecium.)


Example:

When I first began making cakes (this little hobby started when I did Liam’s 1st birthday cake) I was… well, I guess “honored”, no- let’s say “flattered” that some people around me picked up on it as well & that I felt, in a way, that I had inspired other people to try something new & have fun with it. I watched as others had fun, excelled and enjoyed sharing this hobby with those around them & I was very happy for them. Recently I heard a comment about how one of them was mad because she had begun a new hobby-turned-small business & someone she knew was expressing interest in becoming involved as well. She was actually really mad that this other person was dipping into “her thing”. WHAT!? This person did the exact same thing to me & I found flattery, but when it happened to her there was nothing but negative & selfishness. This absolutely confounded me! (See dictionary definition associated with my next example.)



Another example:
Long story short- someone made a public showing of her temper-tantrum as she yelled at me about what she felt was a lack of communication. (I guess this made her feel “cool” and “on top of” the situation- in actuality, she was exhibiting bully behavior.) In reality, I had been attempting to communicate with her, which evidently was not good enough for her & she shut me down at every turn. During this argument she was quite determined to practice the “she who talks loudest talks best” philosophy, not allowing me to get a word in edge-wise & when I did start saying something, interrupting constantly. Keep in mind- this is a person who is constantly alluding to what a good Christian she is, yet she “brags” (almost daily) about her communications with people- she does nothing but play word games with them & then complains that they’re the ones with issues because she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong when she’s messing with their minds & emotions. (Please note: the definition of a hypocrite is “a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs. / a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.” http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hypocrite)

Are we beginning to understand my frustration the past few years?

My Dad came out to visit us for Christmas and we had to run to the store for more “chili-fixin’s” to finish off the batch he was teaching Brian to make. As we talked in the car, he said something that had a profound effect on me- “Everything is a choice.” I knew that I had been trying to implement this practice into my life for quite a while already; but after he said this I really began to evaluate my actions since being around certain people & was actually very disappointed in myself. I realized I had (for a number of years) behaved in a way that would be conducive to harmony among this particular peer group, but was not who I was at heart or how I wanted to be known as acting. I had been playing the song that they expected me to over and over & never once questioned it… because it was easier than being the outsider & doing the right thing. How ashamed I was. I had, for a while, tried to not follow the “expected” ebb & flow, but I finally realized that I no longer cared what they thought anymore- because I realized those people truly did not care about me. I began to consciously make an effort to apply my Dad’s statement to each & every action I took each day. What a difference these 4 words made!

Since then I’ve seen a drastic difference in my outlook and perspective in life & have come to realize: 1) that my decision to keep my work & personal lives separate was the best decision I could have made at this point in my life, 2) that it takes far too much energy to try to keep up with the “negative-nancys” & much less energy to be positive, thus leaving lots more energy for other things, 3) I have too much going on in my life that requires my attention and energy (going to school 19 hrs a week/5 days a week, raising 2 kids, making time for my husband, putting in 8 hrs at a full time job with a 2+ hr commute roundtrip daily, Liam’s social events (soccer, etc) & most recently, recovering from surgery… sheesh- I need a vacation from myself! lol! Actually I feel like I’ve been doing amazingly well in balancing everything I have going on.)- I simply do not have the time or energy to deal with being negative.

I do hope my readers can learn a lesson from all of this, whether you find yourself in my shoes or theirs- just be conscious of yourself. Do your words match your actions, really & honestly? Are you choosing to lie to yourself or be honest? Sometimes we do not understand other people’s motives and if we did, perhaps we would have a different view on their actions. However, when you’re stuck in a constant cycle of “bad stuff”- it becomes pretty clear where the truth lies.

So to anyone who has been (literally) or felt (emotionally) “de-friended” (yes, I know none of the people this applies to will ever have the motivation to even read my blog, but I’ve needed to do this vent for a while)- I know you think I’m some sort of “stuck-up snobby b!+c#” because I don’t act like I use to & I’m sure you think that I believe I’m better than you- this is simply not true. I know that not playing the head-games has ostracized me, but I've grown to accept that and no longer care, because it really is just a bunch of sophomoric peer-pressure bull that should have been outgrown & left behind years ago. I miss the fun we use to have and even though it has become painfully clear to me that you do not care, I do care about you, but I cannot continue to subject myself to your demeaning, cruel, hurtful and nasty treatment & will not even consider continuing those practices to gain your approval either. I have too much to look forward to in my life to be bogged down with negativity. I wish you all the best in the world. I will continue to pray for you & hope you can find the peace to bring happiness and positive energy into your lives.

When did that happen?!?

I can't believe our baby girl turned 10 months Wednesday! With all the hustle & bustle with me returning to college after an 8-year hiatus, time just seemed to have gotten away from us. I look at her & realize what a difference there is from just a few months ago.
She's easily pulling herself up to standing & is even experimenting with standing "sans holding" and has been attempting to take that first solo step (which we anticipate will be any day now).
She loves to chase her big brother around the living room & is a human garbage disposal (seriously, you have absolutely no chance of keeping up with her shoveling the food in at the table, so you had better have all of her stuff cut up before hand or you get read the riot-act).
She is definitely a little girl- whenever we offer her a choice of "which diaper do you want to wear" she amaziingly picks the one that matches her outfit.
I swear she's actually talking to us. At the table, she gives a very convincing redition of "more!". When playing & working on sharing there seems to be a very clear "here". She's definitely a Daddy's girl because her absolute favorite is "da-da-da-da" with the occassional "na-na" (same long "a" sound as "da-da"). Yes, I realize she's probably just very good at mimicing, but she's very convincing!
Next thing I know, she'll be asking for the keys!